The ‘We’re Just Talking’ Checklist.
After over 12 years of working in ministry with college students, as well as young adults, there is one thing I have come to know for sure: we have really messed up this whole dating thing!
It is amazing how so many twenty-something and thirty-something believers have aligned their values and perspectives regarding relationships with that of today’s mainstream culture.
Now at the risk of sounding like a broken record, since there seems to be a new book on Christian dating emerging every day, I decided to take a different approach.
The following is a checklist I’ve compiled to help someone you know discover whether or not they are in an unhealthy dating relationship. I call it…The “We’re Just Talking” Checklist.
If you (I mean someone you know) has a dating relationship that shares more than three of the following ten warning signs, it may be time to get some serious help.
1. You and your date talk more on the phone / or via email than you do in person.
2. The only time you spend a considerable amount of time together is at night.
3. You continue to refer to your date as your brother / or sister (in Christ) in public.
4. The Lord has begun ’speaking’ to only one of you about marriage.
5. You feel embarrassed to show public affection in public / yet amazingly free in private.
6. Not one friend or family member knew about your relationship until after your first fight.
7. You begin to try to define together what the ‘technical definition’ of having sex is.
8. Offering to pay each other’s personal bills. All the time.
9. Breaking up has become a common ritual.
10. Spending the night at each other’s home. Sorry, marriage has its privileges.
I actually had a few more to add to the list, but I figured this may be enough for now. However, one of the biggest indications that a dating relationship has become unhealthy is when the two involved are afraid of placing a real label on their relationship.
Labels (whether some would like to use them or not) help define things.
They describe openly the contents of what may be hidden from plain view. When believers refuse to place a real label on their relationships, they lessen the importance of making a true commitment to one another, and sooner or later, the relationship they care so much about has no true identity.
Some of false labels couples use today like “We’re Just Talking”, “We’re Just Kickin’ It,” or my all-time favorite label, “We’re Just Friends,” often are used because one of the individuals involved may not yet be confident about whom they are dating, or worse, that they are afraid of experiencing rejection should the relationship not work out as they planned.
When properly labeling and defining your relationship, you not only insure that it is aligned with the will of Christ, but you also insure that your intentions with each other are pronounced.
Pronounced (according to Webster’s Dictionary) means to be strongly marked. Relationships are something to be proud about, not embarrassed about.
I encourage you today (sorry, I mean that other couple you know who needs this) to begin pronouncing your dating relationship in the sight of God and others. The more you begin to pronounce your relationship today, the more you both may be ready for the greatest pronouncement of all one day…
…Man and Wife.
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Category: Marriage Intentionally
Yeah, this was definitely one I had to forward to my friends. I can honestly say that was me in my previous 2 relationships. Although, now, I know the Lord was telling me to run fast. But, I am glad I learned my lesson, good and well, twice. I don’t know if this was one of the extra signs you were going to include in the article but I learned my lesson about this one too: You ignore the fact that they’re not saved or spiritually compatible.
Your devotional was just what I needed today. Thank u!
This article is very edifying for any person, married, dating, or single. Not only is the article edifying but the comments that were made by the readers are also. I have to let people speak more often! From your talkative but yet repentative sister in Christ.
You really hit it right on the head that was my thing when I was younger and I really thought that I was doing something big, but now since I have got older and Thank GOD that HE is in my life for now and forever, I look back and think then I tell all 3 of my grand-daughters what I have been through and their Mom which they know about but it just seems it goes in one ear and out the other but I don,t stop I know sometimes they say to the there selfs oh here comes granny with that mess shes always talking about, but who cares I already am a greatgrand and don,t wont anymore right now it,s education time and to put GOD in front of you and pray and keep on going. Thank You for that article bring on more. GOD BLESS crockett
NOW THAT I HAVE STIFLED THIS LAUGHTER ENOUGH FOR PUBLIC CONSUMPTION, I can type clearly! God help me, my single life covered too many of those 10 checkpoints. I thank God for giving me a chance at real love so I could see the clear difference! Mrs. Harris and I are learning more and more every day what a mockery American culture’s perspective of relationships makes of real love. Nice post, Milan.
Right on! Agree 100%
This was good! I found myself in at least 3 or more in the checklist. This is an eye-opener for people who use the term “we’re just talking”.
Awesome word….and a perfect example that though you wrote it a while back….He is still an on time God….because it is the Word that I needed today. I also thank you for you encouraging SF Daily Devotion. The one today on ‘My skin for His’, was also what I needed. Continue to grow in His Grace.